i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i love accidental penises.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
