Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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