I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
