Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
