And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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