You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
