Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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