Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
