Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
