Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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