When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
