if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
