U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
