used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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