it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
