The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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