We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
