i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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