Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
What a dumb baby whore.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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