Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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