Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
