fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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