Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
