not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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