if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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