You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
