that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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