i already hear my dad disowning me
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
