I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
