I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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