he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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