I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
