first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
