He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
