normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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