dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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