The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
vagina is talking i cant
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
