The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
