im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
