Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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