fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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