doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
