I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
