Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
