The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
