i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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