yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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