So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
