I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
