Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
