i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
