First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
