Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
