The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
