piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
