You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
