First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
