it's not cheating when I paid for it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
