So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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