I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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