Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
