My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize