i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
