i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
