so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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