Whod you bang
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize