it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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