you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
