my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
