Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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