Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
