Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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