break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize