you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
